Jennifer Johnson Is Sick of Being Married by Heather McElhatton

Author:Heather McElhatton
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperCollins
Published: 2012-08-08T16:00:00+00:00

Dear Nice Lady,

Thank you for saving Scout. He is our dog.

You saved his life. He is my friend.

I Love you,

Daniel (age 6)

That’s when I decide to help as many animals as I can. Imagine bringing in your dog and not being able to save it because you don’t have enough cash or room on a credit card. It’s inhumane. People love their pets as much as they love their human children, sometimes more. Imagine bringing your child to the emergency room and the nurse telling you they can’t sew his arm back on until the bill is paid. Disgusting.

I call Greta and set up the Ace Award, a fund for pet owners who can’t afford emergency treatment for their animals. In the very first month the fund saves six dogs, fourteen cats, and a mallard, which was attacked by one of the fourteen cats. Believe it or not, the mallard was clearly the winner. The animal hospital texts me whenever there’s a need, and I okay it. I’ve said yes to every request so far except the snake, because people who own snakes are weird, and the hamster with internal bleeding, because I suspected it was being used for nefarious purposes.

I throw my first fund-raiser at the country club and Greta gives a PowerPoint presentation featuring some of the wounded animals they’ve saved at the hospital. She’s a superstar, choosing to show my genteel audience only cutely wounded animals: kittens with bandaged paws, bunnies with bandaged ears, a puppy with a cast on one leg, and a turtle with one tiny eye sewn shut and a small bandage on his head—he looks like a little pirate turtle saying, “Arrrrghhh!” I even got Scout, the bulldog who inspired the Ace Award in the first place, to make an appearance. The couple who owned him agreed to bring him, along with six-year-old Daniel, who slayed every heart in the audience when he climbed up on a chair in order to reach the microphone and then said, “Pweeze, everybody, pweeze help dee animals. Dey need you!”

Not a dry eye in the house.

We raise sixteen thousand dollars that night, which Addi says is the best haul for a new charity that she’s ever heard of. Soon I’ve raised so much money I have to hire a tax accountant and Brad complains about the cost. He complains about money all the time now; I have no idea why. He’s the front-runner to become the president, but he says that doesn’t put any money in the bank right now.

I ask the Kellers if they’d like to help and Ed’s all for it but then he says, “My cousin Ada used to work at the animal shelter. She’s one special person, that Ada!” and Mother Keller looks furious. She glances over at me sternly, twisting her ornate diamond rings around her fingers, and says if I’m so interested in volunteering, why don’t I start showing up at the church youth group subcommittee meetings? “You’re a committee head,” she says, “but I’ve never seen you at a meeting once.

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